Saturday, December 13, 2008
Trying to Offer Them What I Didn't Get
At the age of 2 it was pretty much decided that at the age of 18 I would be gone. Now don't get me wrong I was not and am not a troublemaker or even an instigator what I am is a emotional reactor, with more than a trace of creative bohemian thrown in. Having been raised by those who respect logic and organization needless to say I was a fish out of water. So at 2 it was decided.. at 18 I moved out. This was a mistake, I was mature but not quite ready to go. Of course I didn't know that I was 18 so of course I assumed that I was ready, that and the fact that I knew it was time to go..having been told that since I was 2.
When I had children I decided that I was going to be the parent they needed not expect them to be the children I needed. I am still trying to figure out if this was a good choice. I have spent 20 years being there from mom&me to college football games (to support the band of course).
When JR decided to flunk out of college, instead of saying too bad so sad I said get it together.. He took a year off and is back taking it way more seriously. Having had that year to grow up figure out that he doesn't want my life and that it is time to grow up. While we have been here living this year of fiasco and stress he has stepped up and helped out. Of course that means he gets to treat me as though I didn't spend the previous 19 years taking care of everything. Yes it was crazy and rather flaky but he was fed, grew up in the same town and has had life long friends. So personally I think it is time to just shut up and say hey thanks.
Cori was born just a bit different, more like me.. well more me than me.. wanting to create a sense of self esteem in him I spent a lifetime encouraging him to be different go ahead as long as basic rules are followed.. safety, social he would be fine. Now at 18 he thinks that he is the end all and I am worthless.. Yet he offers little but stress to my day to day living.
Yes I know both of these two individuals are males and I a mere female (yes even in today's society men are still ingrained with the desire that they are superior). and yes both of them are young, one just out of his teens and the other is right smack in the middle of teenage hormones.. For the most part these are kind, loving individuals but right now.. they are arrogant jerks and at least one of us may not survive.. It worries me that it may be me.