Friday, April 16, 2010

An Interesting Conversation

Word Girl is getting closer and closer to graduation. She is the one who will fly the nest and I may not see her for a while. Hair Boy has that oldest son complex he is gonna feel the need to take care of me whether I need it or not. Pita Boy, well... seriously though he has a strong need for family connections and I may end up hanging up on him way before he hangs up on me. Blond Girl, she and I have a good relationship and do a lot of the mom/daughter things. We enjoy a lot of the same things and have a pretty good bond. But Word Girl right now she wants to get as far away from me as fast as she can. She sees all of my faults very very clearly, oh eventually that will fade but for now she holds a pretty big mirror to my faults constantly pointing them out.

Consequently having a conversation where I didn't do something wrong is amazing. The other day we were talking about her graduation. I told her that I would mail her father's graduation ticket and announcement to him as I had no desire to speak to him at this time. Please understand I have spent many many years not only not badmouthing him but protecting him. Oh not in the physical way rather protecting his relationship with his children. Making it so they accept him and are not angry at him. That they don't hate him and can have some sort of a relationship with him. He on the other hand.... Recently I have stopped doing that, I have been telling my children three of which are now officially adults some of the realities of our "relationship". Hence the reason I pointed out that I had no desire to speak to him.

Word Girl was ok with that but I then said that I wasn't inviting him to her party and was not going to mention the after graduation lunch we were having. She was a little bothered by that. She wanted him to come to the lunch... If the man actually comes to graduation and then asks what we are doing after he will of course be welcome, I am just not going to tell him about it. I explained that to Word Girl, I also pointed out that I have not and will not ever embarrass her like that. I will never put her in a spot where she feels she has to exclude her father. I will also never bring a battle out into public that could escalate and cause a scene. I never have and face it I have spent way to many years making sure they have a relationship to have any desire to ruin it now. After I told her this she looked up from the computer, kind of stared at me quizzically and said.. "Thanks" then went about her business.

Now that may not seem like much to you but this was monumental, she was thanking me for any number of reasons but she was also acknowledging what I have spent her entire lifetime doing. In one word she validated all of my choices at least regarding him. And believe me that is just what she intended. At that moment I was so proud of my contrary girl

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